Leo, our Russian kid, gets caught shoplifting. At a Dollar store for crying out loud. The wife says I have to have a talk with him. I start out by telling him to always check on what type security cameras the store has. She slaps me up side the head. Oh, I get it, an Andy Hardy sort of talk. “Well Leo, I too, was caught stealing once. I was in the Topanga Plaza Mall. I was about 15 at the time. They had a pet shop in said mall. I was entranced with a big, two foot Iguana in a glass terrarium. It was thirty bucks. I had zip. Since I was wearing some sweat pants and the clerk was busy at the register, I lifted the glass top, ignored the hissing lizard, then stuffed him in my sweat pants. I put my sweat shirt over the bulge then strolled out like I owned the place!” Leo’s eyes opened at this revelation. Pat is horrified. I then finish the tale. “Too bad, that Iguana noticed my nutsack. It attacked ’em. Yep. Chomped right on the old scroto. I ripped my pants down, right in front of a security guard, then, started a pulling contest as I tried to run with my pants around my ankles.!” I waited for a, “Then what happened”? Pat’s glare made me shut up…Alright already. I finally got the lizard off, tossed it at the guard as he tried to grab me, then ran for my life through a side door that led to the loading docks. I dropped a good twenty foot, landing on some stacked broken down card board boxes, and escaped through a bunch of unloading trailers. The incident changed my stealing. I promised myself to never get caught again…