Fucking UNIT Crane

Its a micro-cosm of our society today….Originally ordered by William Mulholland in 1946. He gave it to the Cof Los Angeles after the Hollywood dam work. The city auctioned it. George Sack bought it. He loaned it to me. If I could get it to run, he would trailer it over. It’s a yard crane. Two big and gagantuan to drive on public roads. With 12 wheel drive, it’s pretty¬†cool on a dirt lot. A BIG dirt lot. The man who brought it out of its close grave? Dick the Fuller Brush man. I used to blow him off when he stopped by in his worn out old van to try and sell me Fuller Brush stuff, and, his magical cancer elixirs he traded the Gypsies his mechanical abilities to keep their rigs one step ahead of the law. Dick was dead honest, don’t get me wrong. He just believed those Gypsies is all. He was in his seventies when I first met him. He bugged me with his visits. Until the day he fixed my Simon Seventy foot boom lift, saving my ass so huge I will NEVER forget that guy…Dick had served as mechanic for over twenty years for the U.S. Navy on aircraft carriers. Top dog for the last five. He was a tall, bent, worn out old man when I met him. But he could fix ANYTHING. Maybe not for long. But he would get¬†its sorry ass rolling for awhile, no matter what you tossed at him. I know because I watched him fight that god damned UNIT crane back onto its flattened tires, and roll onto a trailer on its own, flat head V-8 steam. Dick once again stops by, just in time to hear me whine and cry about getting that crane, six years ago. He told me he could get it going. Five suppossedly hot shot local mechanics had tried and died. Cost me a lot of dough and all quit on me. None will return a call to me to this day. Mainly because almost all of them are dead. Dick worked on that crane for four hours and had the boom going up and down and the rig steering in a big loop. An out of control loop, but it was good enough. It was quite a feat. I couldn’t believe it. A HUGE day in my life. Dick was the man…A while later, he showed up on foot, his van had blown up on Sierra Hwy. He was soaked from walking five miles. No one would give him a ride. I dried him off then gave him the keys to an F-150 my son Tejas had turned down, free, because it had a five speed stick shift. I then had offered it to a son in law. He turned it down because he didn’t want to have to drive it home to the East coast, plus, he had a guitar lesson. I handed the keys to Dick. It was about the best feeling I’ve ever had. I’m an aloof asshole most of the time. It was nice to crack the ice for once. He snatched those keys out of my hand and ran down the Danny Devito stairs like a kid. As he started it up, I was running behind him, telling him about oil changes and other crap he could care less about. As he turned on the lights and put it in gear, I had just enough time to shout, “THE PINKS IN THE GLOVE BOX!” He was gone down my dirt drive, sliding in the rain slick mud, like he had owned that truck for a decade. He then loses it and SIDE SWIPES THE UNIT CRANE at the end of the main driveway. That truck will go to its grave with a headlight to bed, two inch gash and orange paint all over it. I could care less. It was his truck now…So, here I am back at the beggining. Except it’s just six years later. No machine shops, anywhere to fabricate parts for this 1946 PIECE OF SHIT. No Dick to work his magic. Especially after the owner of Black and White constuction, with no business license, able to get a Demo permit in one day that takes others nine months or more, then, DROPS A FUCKING BEAM onto the UNIT crane while rodeoing his track driven rig, over and over my finally knocked down tower (See front page of the LA TIMES) I can’t even find any of my old welders. All have gone belly up. Steel guys? Gone too. Engineers? Maybe for Lionel…Now, its down to the last hardcore friends I have to move this Bastard and save its life. My pal, off and on between his big CRYBABY FUCKING TANTREMS, my son Noah. His buddy Josh, and Rick the tent boy, now, Rick the Great. That’s it. Everyone else is SICK of hearing me beg. Now, in the snow, after changing belts, having to wait between test starts because BLACK AND WHITE GUY dented in radiator and fan, we still havent moved it one foot…We do have it steering. The crane boom winch spinning, and, the air brakes holding air. Back at it after the storm…I’ll be starting the new Tower and Barn February. If I’m still out of jail. Find out on the tenth. As for our country. Find me one guy that can still repair and run a UNIT crane, and I’ll sleep like a baby and never worry about my grandkids’ futures…

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