When pissed, the first thing a chimp does it go for your eyes. This way, he can then rip your genitals off, bite off your fingers, and break a couple of things, while you stagger around blind. My Uncle Melvin (Melvin Koontz, owned a trained original M.G.M. lion) bunked with me for almost a year while he slowly lost a medical battle. I used to drive him to the Veterans’ hospital on my learners permit in my mom’s giant 1952 Olds. He used to reach his foot over and stomp it on mine, while yelling, “COME ON, WHILE WE’RE YOUNG!” He had stories for every scar and hole in his body. Through him, I got the job feeding the big cats for Ted Derby, way up in Soledad Cyn. Anyhow, Uncle Melvin told me about this dog, his brother, my Uncle Wimpy, had, that was really something. Seems this Irish Terrier named Spinner (for always chasing its’ stub tail) sort of made pals with Jackie, the M.G.M. lion… Oh, Jackie was the name my Uncle gave him; the studio called him something else…As a young pup, Spinner played with infant chimps at a circus wintering town growing up, so was a real hard ass with a heart ten times the size of his chest. One day, he got into a big top training cage while Jackie was getting a work out for some cameramen from publicity. He would dance in and out, nipping Jackie, but not really biting. Screwing around. Jackie picked up on it. Jackie also timed him and did a quick spin, nailing Spinner in mid-leap with one of his giant paws. Spinner hit the bars like a big rubber ball, ringing the cage like a bell, then bounced at an odd angle into some raked hay in the urine ring all training cages have. Jackie turned to go back to business. Spinner comes out of the hay and nails Jackie with his terrier teeth, right in his big brown mane. My Uncle said it was so funny, seeing that dog hanging off the lions face that way, all the trainers came to see what all the laughing was about. The lion finally caught him with a paw and dragged him off, growling the entire time. Jackie never put his claws out. That’s why the dog was never really hurt. My Uncle told me it was really something to see. Too bad Spinner also chased cars…An animal that made my Uncle a lot of dough was his trick Zebra. The clowns used it a lot since it had a good temperment, most of the time. For money, my Uncle would bet his Zebra could kick a two foot two by four, three in a row. With money down, that Zebra would kick sideways as my Uncle tossed it and make it spin for a hundred foot or more. Now, lots of people think the lion is the King of the beasts. I’d say the King Cobra. Even elephants walk around them. Even in the world of big cats, maybe third. In a fight between a Tiger and a Lion, it usually goes to the Tiger. Tigers are solitary. Lions live in prides. Lions have pecking orders, so, will fight to a point, then back off. Not Tigers. It’s always manno de manno. Plus, Tigers carry more weight then Lions. But, that’s another factor making the top dog in the cat world the Leopard. Uncle Melvin slept in the same bed with his favorite big cat. He got tossed out of Glendale for it reaching through the backdoor milkman slot for the milkman’s hand. Every big cat slugfest between a big Leopard and another big cat, ended up with the Leopard cleaning the other cat’s blood off its’ fur. Too FAST. Too AGILE. Half the bulk but twice the power. The only other mammal to put some money on is the Grizzily bear. A member of the pig family, under that thick, matted coat is a body of gristle and muscle, going ten foot on its’ hind legs and coming into the ring at 1100 pounds. If out of control, a bear won’t back off from ANYTHING. Oh, its to the death? A Grizzily will accommodate. One animal no one ever, ever, ever trained. A Wolverine. A Wolverine regularly chases bears off their kills. Wolves hate them for the same reason. Wolverines will go psycho and glory in the fight, screw the meat…Now, of all his animals, Uncle Melvin loved his Giraffes the best. I once asked him why he didn’t take his Giraffes into the pond to wash them like the elephants. He told me they would tip over and drown. Too top heavy. I thought he was joking. He told me to watch them drink. They would splay their legs out as wide as they could, then streeeetttcchhh their long tongues to the water…He also told me camels pissed backwards. I found out he was right about that the hard way…
