Phone Company Legends

Some people asked this question would most likely say, “Alexander Graham Bell!” And they would be wrong. My legend of the day is a guy named Samson. Sort of like Madonna. One name was all he needed. A real one of a kind…I first meet him when demoted to the prewire crew. Its where phonemen were sent to be straightened out for some reason. Foremen used it as a purgatory. Once you came around, you would ascend out of hell and get your phone truck back. No truck on prewire. You rode in vans with a bunch of other miscreants. Always in buildings under construction. Plus, you had to actually work all day. I wasn’t used to it. Big cables (1000 pair and up) need great big holes for ’em to go through. So, big drills and drill bits. I mean BIG! Three inch around bits and five foot long steel shafts…Also, another problem. Guys from other trades stealing your ladders constantly. Plumbers, electricians, carpenters, steel men, elevator men, tile guys, painters, gas company, all would grab your ladders if you weren’t actually on them. Off you would go on a ladder hunt. Usually talking to a tool belt and a butt crack of a guy twice your size ignoring you as you tried to get it back. It’s my first day and I’m sick of it. I was ready to shape up in four hours. At lunch, all of the phone guys take the stairs when lunch is over. I’m still a pariah, so, no one clues me in. I figure screw four flights of open stairs in a half completed building. I get in the large enclosed construction elevator that goes up the outside of the building to carry cement bags and such. Also, about fifteen, large, hot, sweaty guys. All in bad moods. The last guy in, Samson. He actually shoved his way in. About fifty, 375 lbs. No teeth. Five ten. Always wore the same clothes, EVERY DAY. Coveralls with a cut off sweat shirt. Had a monk style bald spot. Chewed tobacco 24 hours a day. He had one other thing that made him unique. We all found it out trapped on the way up for three more floors. The ability to fart the longest, greasyest, stinkyest, and wettest, farts you have ever had to experience. Accomplished by a play by play from Samson himself, “OHHH, boys, that part just ran down my leg!” “Here comes yesterday’s chili and peppers, this is gonna be goooood!” By the time the doors opened, it was a screaming mass of lunatics fighting to the death for fresh, clean, non toxic air. The next day, after lunch, ALL of the trades took the stairs. Some management types were being taken up in the large elevator for a look-see. Waiting his turn? Samson. A toothpick in his mouth and a big grin on his face. We all raced to the top floor to beat the doors opening…